i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
