I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
