i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
