Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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