I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
