At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
