i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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