Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
