I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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