so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
