Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
