did you get engaged???
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
as a side note pls kill me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
