There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
