i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
