Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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