we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
