just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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