I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
