she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
