Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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