no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
high people should be assigned attendants
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
