You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
