i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
