just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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