Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
