U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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