I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
