That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
