Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
