i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
