He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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