Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
