i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
