just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
