I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
