Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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