I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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