a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
