Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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