people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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