we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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