somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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