That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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