I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
