Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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