It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
