no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
