Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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