What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
