In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
