your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
