Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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