my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
