Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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