The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
