Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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