just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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