I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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