Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
