He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
