Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
