I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
