We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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