The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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