Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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