it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
