It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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