If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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