he puts the penis in happiness.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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