Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
